Sometimes I Forget

This is going to be short.

Sometimes I forget I have this blog.

I haven't written in some time. That includes diaries and songs too.

I've just been silent. But last night I broke that silence. I stayed up late and started writing again.

When life demands your time, it's easy to forget what matters to you. And you may even consider your art something of the past; a hobby, a pipe dream, a childish want...but if that's true, then everyone creative should just give up.

It's just not true.

Woah

Here is a picture of my face.

I have been absent for some time. Like I gave up on blogging for months and wasn't really even planning on coming back for some reason. Not sure why. Guess it wasn't as fun as my other projects.

It is so nice to look back and read my posts. Pretty legit stuff. I find myself being true to who I am and actually following my own advice that I had set for myself way back when. That's pretty cool.

That means I've made progress. Blogs are great for tracking progress, I must say.

Lately, I've been spending a good amount of time on my SoundCloud and also my JasmineTalks Channel. Those are my two loves right now. My cover channel is not getting much affection right now...just isn't for some reason. I mean, I gave it a face lift. I'll get back to it soon enough.

As soon as I find some balance.

Like I mentioned, I've been working on tons of music projects as well as "Talking" on my channel.
It's been fun and stressful, kind of. But I know it'll all be worth it.

I even went ahead and made some videos about college. WHAT?!
Yeah, those videos are confessions of a twenty-something introvert, like really.

I speak some sad truths in that video that some people in my life will not like so much.

That's literally what "growing up" is though. It's not so much "flipping everyone off" as it is walking towards yourself and away from what others perceive you as. Ok, those are the same thing, basically.

Anyway, I've been working on making things "short" lately, so I'll keep the same theme going here. It was just nice to check in.

If you read this, I want to inspire you to write everything down. Trust me, you won't regret it :)
                                                                   
                                                                 Love, Jaz

Unwritten

Hello :)

Today, I just wanted to talk about some things that have been on my mind.

1. Sharing

Sharing sucks and is difficult to do because it requires vulnerability and bravery. It is so hard to just post something on the Internet and leave it there and feel good about it. That's why so many people do not watch their own videos...it's embarrassing to see yourself trying so hard. And it's frustrating to be someone who looks at too many possible outcomes of your creation, or different scenarios of how people are going to react to it...well I do that. Which brings me to the next thing on the list, regret.

2. Regret

Regret is being haunted by the idea of the wrong person seeing the thing that you don't want them to see, specifically, and it happens to be the thing that you have posted. The "wrong person" is someone you know or don't know. It could be anyone. I regret posting some things on the Internet because I know how awful people are on here most of the time. So when I post things, I might feel okay about it at the moment, but later, hypothetical, potential "haters" get into my head, and I just end up taking whatever I had posted off of the Internet, or making it private ,or even going back to the drawing board to make it "better" (even though I should already know, without a doubt, that I'll never actually be able to make everyone happy, or anyone happy, if I do or don't post things)...but I do it anyway...and for who? For no one, because no one has even seen the video yet. How dumb.

3. Motivation

Why am I doing all of this to myself if it is painful, and sucks? Why am I posing anything at all if it means that someone, somewhere is not going to not like it, but in fact is going to hate it, hate me, wish I were dead, think I suck, call me names...etc? What is good about that at all? What?! Well, this should be obvious...do it for yourself and for the hypothetical, potential people who might like your work...that should be enough to motivate you. I'm also motivated because I'm tired of not getting any feedback for the work I put so much time into. The Internet is big. I might not conquer it (which would be creepy if I did), but I feel that with what I do, I can at least get some people to tag along and follow my story, join my conversations, and be a part of my team. And I'll do the same for the people who were motivated, vulnerable, and brave enough to share what they were working on. That's how it should work.

So in conclusion, I just want to put it out there, that these are the beginning stages and they are lonely...but they are also detrimental to how my story is going to unfold. YOU HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE. I've made decisions about what I am willing to share, and I will continue to do so. I am growing and switching my feelings each day about certain things...which would explain why I might be embarrassed by something I said yesterday...I might have changed my mind by the time the video was posted...but that's the thing...the idea is to embrace yourself where you are at (I'm adopting a new moto right now): Try not to erase the parts of you that you no longer are like...because then nobody will ever know you...and don't try so hard to hide the "flaws"...you should not get rid of the messy parts of the process...just keep on re-explaining to everyone that you are "Unwritten" each day. Thanks for writing and sharing that song, Natasha...becuase it is sooooo TRUE! 

I Did It

This post is late. I need to be more consistent with posting, even when "life gets in the way"...still.

So, I graduated from University on the 23rd of April, 2015.

And maybe it's strange, but I do not feel that it was my biggest accomplishment this year. 

My biggest accomplishment for me was that I went to a recording studio for the first time two days AFTER I graduated, and recorded a song. What an experience! I'll be honest, I was intimidated by recording studios for a LONG time, but the studio I went to was such a great environment to be in, I'm going back for round two as soon as I can! 

Here's proof that I was there:

I was being a perfectionist ;)

Oh, and here's some proof that I graduated:

I was doing what I needed to do to get by ;)

Now, don't get me wrong. I do not take college for granted...I just know that sometimes I did things for the wrong reasons, to please others, and it felt like the joke was on me. I can't believe I told you that...and at the same time, I can't believe I'm admitting to you that college has actually taught me something; that I need to do what I really want to do in life and not let anyone or anything get in the way of that...no matter what. If you want a dream to manifest, nothing will stand in your way unless you allow it to. So I'm pursuing dance AND songwriting, and YouTube, and blogs, and auditions, and jobs and the World. That's the big "Plan" after grad. And I'm no longer going to feel bad about wanting to do more than one thing, more than what a piece of paper in the mail tells me I am capable of. I'm going to do as much as...I want. 

This is how it works

You're young until you're not

You love until you don't

You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

Read more:  Regina Spektor - On The Radio Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Team Jasmine!

I am taking steps with my original music. Here is an email I sent to a website to see what they would say. I sent it today so I've yet to hear back from them.

Here it is, I didn't even bother fixing the times I messed up :)

Let me start out by saying that I am not rich haha…I'm in college senior enduring my last semester. I just want an estimation on how much it would cost to do an 18 track record. Is that like, a huge amount?! Is there a discount for doing more songs, because that is something I am especially interested in? I'm contacting your service because I like what you have to say on your website for my project. You guys seem really down to earth and this is like my baby so I wouldn't just trust anyone with it. 

This project would not be an average one. I my style is kind of a folk/pop on this particular album, but without the guitars. I am not a very good musician, only using the keyboard to get accompaniment to lyrics. So I play by ear, and I have improved. But while my limited ability to play has given me a unique style it has also left me with an issue of being too repetitive at times, or it just being too noticeable in the mix because I don't have any other instruments involved besides my voice. Much of my songs utilize vocals as instruments (which sounds pretty cool) so it's become an acapella/keyboard mixture there, which I don't hate, but no one is going to take me seriously like that, which is a critique I've gotten from close friends and family.

I want more instruments added to my songs, like a guitar or a more interesting keyboard sound, or better yet unique manmade drum sounds. But I still want to keep the music simple, with an acapella feel because that's the integrity of it and the lyrics are a heavy part of the songs so I don't want the production to sound like I wrote and recorded it in my room, I still want it to have that feeling and emotion tied to it, like a teenager wrote it because I had, but I think anyone can relate to my music.

I wrote this album when I was a junior/senior in high school. But it doesn't sound like an average poppy, high school, Disney channel album. It's poetic and could be even more fun and meaningful if presented professionally. My voice is still young-sounding and I would be singing on the album, for sure, and harmonizing with myself. I have some home recording studio equipment and plan on getting more for this project.

The album is a roller coaster of emotions and different perspectives of a love situation.

I have since written 5 more albums and my style has evolved tremendously from R&B, to indie to Jazzyness. But this was my first album and I haven't been able to "get it out there" because it is still not finished, um, 7 years later. None of my albums are. I have tons of demos and I need help because I keep writing, and I am overwhelmed with songs!

I would be excited to see what you guys could do with one of my albums or even just one of my songs but I want the best deal. I like the tunes that I have created and don't want that to change, but if they are unbearably repetitious, let me know. 

One of them is 7 minutes long and others are like 2 minutes long. The average is 3-4 minutes. This is an autobiographical, story-telling album, with some adolescence but also some poetic and mature-for-my age stuff. I like that it's not average, but a little quirky. That's a part of my style.

I wish you could hear it and tell me what you think, as I haven't share it with professionals. I want to see it presented as best as it can before the world does!

Thanks, JJ

Sharing Is Caring

I am not going to be able to make everybody happy. And that is okay.

I've been making more covers lately and actually posting them which is a big step for me.

I'm finding that there is only a certain amount of content that I am comfortable posting. 

I can't help but think, "What if so and so finds out that I am on YouTube?" 

"What will they think if they see me doing something that maybe they won't like?"

That's when I have to stop and realize that if I keep on thinking like this, then I am going to filter myself so much that there will be so little to share.

I can't sugar code myself forever.

I'm not quite Cinderella, innocent and naive, running off with the first guy I see, and I'm not Miley Cyrus either, who's seen too much. 

I'm Jasmine Johnson. I'm sheltered in my own right, but I've seen enough to know why there are times when I want to cover my eyes. There are things I want to shield and guard myself from. But there are also waters that I want to explore. And to some, my idea of "danger" is nothing in comparison to theirs. And to others, I'll have gone too far.

It's been years that I've been creating but I haven't really been sharing a whole lot.

Speaking of, Storytime!

Last week, on a Sunday, I went to Christmas party. One of my underground musical inspirations was there. Her name is Courtney Marie Andrews. We went to school together for a while and I had admired her ability to play music, write songs, and share it through live performances and music distribution with the world.  I didn't know she was going to be at the party beforehand so I almost didn't go, but when I found out she was there, I decided to stop being such a homebody for just one night. It's a great thing I went and I'll explain why:

While I've been writing lyrics, tunes, and chords, and even making demos, I've sort of been hiding my talents under a rock, thinking, "I'm not ready to share myself with the world and the world isn't ready for me yet. My songs need to cook for a little longer, a little longer, a little longer…"

But at the same time, I've been sharing a song here and a song there to one or two people in my life, like private little sessions and I usually get really good responses…but that's about as far as I go. 

Meantime, I keep writing more and more songs to the point that I am overwhelmed with material…story of my life. I'm constantly trying to figure out which songs should go on which albums, which songs should never be heard by anyone, and how I'm going to get all of these songs copyrighted and so on and so forth. 

Now back to the story!

One of the people at the party who I've been a long-term friend with, I had shared a few of my songs with like a month before. So on Sunday at the party, we were all sitting around the campfire and one of the guys had gotten a guitar out. Of course Courtney began to sing…everyone suddenly shut up and you could hear a pin drop. It was beautiful. When she was finished, everyone clapped. It was a little informal performance, so special, and intimate. I was glad to be a part of it. I'd been wanting to see her but she's constantly traveling and on tour. 

When she was done, the friend who knew about my secret demos, she said something like, "Hey Jasmine, you sing something!" I was like, "Okay, but I can't play guitar." So someone was going to have to accompany me but I was put on the spot and couldn't decided on a song in time. 

I was feeling the pressure, but the fire of me singing, kind of burned out within minutes…

Then my extroverted older sister, sitting next to me at the party, went ahead and busted out with one of her original tunes a cappella. I felt like I had missed my chance, kind of, and she was just going to shine and blow everyone away with her awesomeness.

But when she was done singing, everyone smiled and clapped, and I was put on the spot yet again by my persistent friend and now my sister too, and my sister actually inspired me to go ahead and bust out one of my originals as well since she sang one of hers. I was in shock to say the least, which meant I couldn't think straight or remember any of the names of my songs, but there was one song that didn't betray me in this moment. It came to my head when I needed it most and I sang the first verse and the chorus to the small group of people and including one of my biggest inspirations. The fire inside of me burned so bright and everything was as it should be. That was a perfectly timed moment and everyone was blown away that I would even open my mouth, yet alone sing an original as I'd sat there calmly up to that point.

After that day, I feel much better about singing in front of people. Now that I feel like I've earned some street credit and a some respect for my songs, it gave me hope.

Then to make the night even more magical, one of the guys picked up the guitar and we improvised together as Courtney harmonized with me for a tiny bit. Um! What?! That is a dream come true for me. 

And we made up on song on the spot:

I saw love fly by

It didn't stop to say hello

You never try

And that's why you had to go

So go

(something like that)

Before Courtney left for the night, I was able to tell her that she was one of my biggest musical inspirations. She said I could send her my songs when I got them recorded, I was like, "Okay!" And she told the same thing to my sister.

I say all of this to point out that while I've felt like I've been doing nothing this whole time, that's not true, I've been writing, and doing covers, and more recently, posting on websites, and just like at the party, at the right time, that is when I will be able to share. That is when the right people will be listening. 

Those are the people who I do this for. Not for those who are only going to hear what they want to hear. So maybe I can inspire people the way that I've been inspired. To see the fruit of what I do would be such a blessing. That's why I can't stop. That's why I can't run away or hide. I have to take it one day at a time. It's a process worth going through. That's where a lot of the growth happens, even if it feels stagnant at times and like it's taking forever. Having something to offer is better than having nothing to offer, especially if it's something you spent time and effort on and put heart into and experience into. It's quite beautiful, sharing…I don't know why it scares me so much.

Welcome To My Blog!

Hello. I'm Jasmine Johnson :)

This is my blog, full of information about my musical pursuits and projects that I am working on. I won't say a lot here but stay tuned if you wish. Much love.