Today, I just wanted to talk about some things that have been on my mind.
1. Sharing
Sharing sucks and is difficult to do because it requires vulnerability and bravery. It is so hard to just post something on the Internet and leave it there and feel good about it. That's why so many people do not watch their own videos...it's embarrassing to see yourself trying so hard. And it's frustrating to be someone who looks at too many possible outcomes of your creation, or different scenarios of how people are going to react to it...well I do that. Which brings me to the next thing on the list, regret.
2. Regret
Regret is being haunted by the idea of the wrong person seeing the thing that you don't want them to see, specifically, and it happens to be the thing that you have posted. The "wrong person" is someone you know or don't know. It could be anyone. I regret posting some things on the Internet because I know how awful people are on here most of the time. So when I post things, I might feel okay about it at the moment, but later, hypothetical, potential "haters" get into my head, and I just end up taking whatever I had posted off of the Internet, or making it private ,or even going back to the drawing board to make it "better" (even though I should already know, without a doubt, that I'll never actually be able to make everyone happy, or anyone happy, if I do or don't post things)...but I do it anyway...and for who? For no one, because no one has even seen the video yet. How dumb.
3. Motivation
Why am I doing all of this to myself if it is painful, and sucks? Why am I posing anything at all if it means that someone, somewhere is not going to not like it, but in fact is going to hate it, hate me, wish I were dead, think I suck, call me names...etc? What is good about that at all? What?! Well, this should be obvious...do it for yourself and for the hypothetical, potential people who might like your work...that should be enough to motivate you. I'm also motivated because I'm tired of not getting any feedback for the work I put so much time into. The Internet is big. I might not conquer it (which would be creepy if I did), but I feel that with what I do, I can at least get some people to tag along and follow my story, join my conversations, and be a part of my team. And I'll do the same for the people who were motivated, vulnerable, and brave enough to share what they were working on. That's how it should work.
So in conclusion, I just want to put it out there, that these are the beginning stages and they are lonely...but they are also detrimental to how my story is going to unfold. YOU HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE. I've made decisions about what I am willing to share, and I will continue to do so. I am growing and switching my feelings each day about certain things...which would explain why I might be embarrassed by something I said yesterday...I might have changed my mind by the time the video was posted...but that's the thing...the idea is to embrace yourself where you are at (I'm adopting a new moto right now): Try not to erase the parts of you that you no longer are like...because then nobody will ever know you...and don't try so hard to hide the "flaws"...you should not get rid of the messy parts of the process...just keep on re-explaining to everyone that you are "Unwritten" each day. Thanks for writing and sharing that song, Natasha...becuase it is sooooo TRUE!
